It’s Not Goodbye After All

“I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.”

~Joseph Campbell

I haven’t really begun to process all the emotions that have been coming up for me as I think about the end of this school year, specifically because my daughter (who just turned 6) is moving on to a new school, on to first grade. She started coming here when she was just 2 and a half. She has spent more than half of her life within the walls of this school. She has been barefoot the majority of the time, hanging in the branches of our beloved olive tree, and making meaningful connections with so many children and teachers. She has lived here…really lived. She has dug her hands into the work of childhood- come home painted, sandy, exhausted, full of new wonderings. Her confidence has flourished, and her voice has strengthened. Her stories have been heard and shared and cherished.

Whenever I really contemplate the reality of her departure, I well up…and a bubble of grief mounts in my heart. How have these years flown by so fast, and how did her once petite stature give way to the long and lean girl who stands in front of me now? How can this be the end already?

theend

A couple weeks ago, my girl and I went to see her friend perform in a local children’s production of The Little Mermaid. I knew a few children who were in the play because they had been in my class when I was a teacher, and I loved seeing them up on that stage. But I was dumbfounded after the play was over when a woman came to me and said “Sara, hi! Nice to see you again! Did you recognize Emme up there?”

During the play I remember thinking how wonderful the lead actress was…she was about 10 or 11, and sang and acted with charm and grace. She was wearing a long red wig of course, à la Ariel, so naturally her appearance was drastically different when she removed it to uncover her blonde locks. She was an alumni of our school and I couldn’t believe how much she had grown…of course I recognized her! My mind was flooded with memories of the 4-year- old version of her. She was funny, bright, clever and developed a particular fondness for a hat that looked like a stuffed buffalo head. I remember, with clarity, a very specific picture of her wearing it- looking like she was about to charge whoever was taking the photo of her.

As I congratulated her, and gushed about how talented I thought she was, she smiled and seemed grateful. It became quite clear that her memories of me were fuzzy at best, and when I said “I was your teacher a long time ago” the light of recognition didn’t seem to glow behind her eyes. I didn’t take this personally, of course, and I definitely recall the overwhelming atmosphere that occurs post play, when many faces are swimming all around you to pat you on the back and congratulate you. I was a drama kid, after all. She thanked me and ran off with a friend, and that was that.

I didn’t feel defeated after our little exchange, I felt curious. I felt like a seed was planted in my mind and as I began to really reflect on it, questions started growing.

What is our impact as teachers of young children?

How does our relationship with each child guide them through their inevitable transition out into the “real” world?

What really matters most? The experiences children have here, or the memories they have of those experiences?

After they leave this place, what do they carry with them?

theend1

As I continue to reflect on these questions I think about what I know about children. Children, of course, are mindful by nature. They are present and aware and engaged. When they are in it, THEY ARE IN IT. They experience the world with all their senses attuned. They are intuitive, empathic and industrious. I look at the children at play in our yard and I see so much going on that it’s difficult to keep track of the multitude of collective experiences they are having. On any given day (actually more like, at any given moment) you can see children involved in worthwhile things like building together, playing family, cooking in our mud kitchen, helping our garden teacher, Shannon, harvest something new, laying in the shade of our trees, chasing each other wildly, sitting on the hill listening to stories, carving riverscapes in the sand, filling buckets, collecting treasures, testing out their newly folded paper airplanes, or putting on a show.

Maybe to some this looks like frivolity, or “wasting time” but to the children who are invested in these experiences, they are deeply meaningful.

theend2

My intent is not to idealize, or paint a totally utopian picture of childhood, of course. There are shared experiences that are meaningful for entirely different reasons that occur on a daily basis here too. Conflict and sadness are woven into the fabric of everyday. Especially in this last week of school…there is a palpable restless and anxious energy that hangs in the air as teachers and kids prepare for saying goodbye. Everyone is tired, and the children who are moving on to kindergarten are acutely aware of the looming transition.

I was discussing some of these things with a colleague recently, and she shared some of her feelings about the very real emotional impact that the work we do has…how heavy it can feel sometimes. She also shared how encouraged she felt when another colleague of ours shared some pictures that beautifully captured the connections that the children have made with each other here this year…and those connections are what the children internalize and carry out the door when they leave. In the bustle of working together, it is easy to forget the significance of ordinary moments that the children have on a day to day basis, and how these bonds and relationships inform the people that they are continually blossoming into. And just like they don’t remember the experience of being born, or their first birthday, that doesn’t mean those events didn’t hold value and worth. Remembering them is secondary to living them.

 

It is these personal narratives that the children unfold (I almost imagine them as petals blooming out of a flower) that become such an integral part of WHO they are. And that cannot be diminished or undone. So even if we are forgotten, we will always be a part of each other’s story.

No goodbyes necessary.

One thought on “It’s Not Goodbye After All

  1. Hi – Yes! The goodness we ‘give’ goes deep within their souls!

    I have two examples.

    A colleague asked if certain children, the ones she felt most attached to (in the right ways) would remember her in the years to come. I told her they would take her kindness as part of their being even if they didn’t specifically remember her.

    She returned for a visit to the Infant room at the time one of ‘her’ boys was then in Toddlers. Our Lead teacher was able to invite him to come and visit. He looked at C sitting calmly in our outside space, as though he was remembering.

    Then he walked outside and backed into her lap! It was just as I hoped for her.

    Personally I developed a rapport with one or two children I was in charge of over the one hour lunch break outside. One had a stutter sometimes but never when telling me about his fishing adventures with his dad!

    I was at one of our neighborhood parks after he’d left and was age 6. We came face to face at the top of a slide as I was watching over my little granddaughter. The boy said “I know you!” We both wanted to hug each other but I was quick to ask “Is your mom or dad here?”

    Dad was on a bench and I knew he would remember me since we regularly talked at pickup. I reminded him who I was and asked permission to hug his boy. Given! We were SO happy! Haven’t seen him since.

    I love this feeling but it’s so important that we remember our place in their lives – we are NOT their parent!

    I have worked with a staff member who thought (and stated!) they were better than the parent! Each child – about five little boys over several years – developed terrible emotional issues while at the facility. It took me four years to understand this staff member wasn’t supporting the parents she was disrupting each child’s development for her own self aggrandizement! Parents would never know.

    Thank you for writing this post!

    Helen

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s